Burned Out
By Dianne Hales
From Reader's Digest
February 2007
Running Out of Steam
As a nurse, wife and mother, Doris Young, 53, of Norfolk, Virginia, never stopped caring for others. "I worked in the hospital during the week," she says, "attended graduate school on weekends, went to my son's soccer games and always made sure dinner was on the table. I was never happy unless everyone in my life was." But after decades of dedication, she ran out of steam. "I had to take a month off. I didn't have enough energy to even get out of bed and clean my house." The self-described superwoman was burned out.
Millions of other Americans are at risk too. In a recent national poll by CareerBuilder.com, more than half of workers said they're under a great deal of stress; 77 percent reported feeling burnout sometimes. And no one is immune, regardless of age, gender or job. Mothers and managers, firefighters and flight attendants, teachers and telephone service reps may feel the flames of too much stress and not enough satisfaction.
"Burnout is an equal-opportunity condition," says Stephen Hinshaw, PhD, chairman of the psychology department at the University of California, Berkeley -- and that holds true whether you work in an office or at home. "Many people, especially those caring for others, get to a point where there's an imbalance between their own feelings of being human and their confrontation with difficult, distressful issues on a day-to-day basis. Things go tilt." If you don't recognize what's going on and make some changes, he cautions, your health suffers, the quality of your work suffers, and you spiral downward.
What's Sparking the Problem?
Too much work? Too little control? No recognition or rewards? Difficult co-workers? Unfair treatment? A clash of values? After decades of research, Christina Maslach, PhD, a psychologist and co-author of Banishing Burnout, found that any of these factors can sabotage your job satisfaction. "Maybe you can handle the workload but are constantly battling with your colleagues. Or your boss may be micromanaging you to death. Or perhaps you feel you're not being treated fairly or not getting appropriate compensation." A bad fit between the person and any key aspect of a job increases your risk of burnout.
For Bob Phibbs, 48, of Long Beach, California, a clash between personal and corporate values stoked his dissatisfaction. "I'd taken four Western-wear stores and grown them into a chain of 55," he recalls. When the owners slashed commissions and increased sales quotas, Phibbs pushed himself to do more for less. After 14 years, his boss asked him what he thought was the company's most important asset. "Our employees," Phibbs answered. "No," his boss countered. "It's our customers."
"It was like a lightning bolt," says Phibbs. "Suddenly, things I'd been feeling in my gut for years added up in my head. I realized I couldn't work for a company that didn't put its employees first." The day he left the job, he arranged for a local radio station to play a song that summed up his feelings: "Walking Away a Winner."
"You have to feel that a job, like a relationship, is worth doing," observes Kenneth W. Christian, PhD, a psychologist and the author of Your Own Worst Enemy. "If there's no recognition that you're working hard, if nobody's got your back, if only the bottom line matters, you feel expendable. It's like a marriage that's gone bad."
Smoldering Stress
Even with work you love and care passionately about, stress can take a serious toll. For example, Leslie Godwin, 46, a marriage and family counselor in the Los Angeles area, couldn't set boundaries and stop worrying about the drug addicts she was treating. After years of witnessing nonstop stress, her husband casually commented that he thought she hated her job. Godwin tried to protest, but she burst into tears. "My body betrayed me. I couldn't stop crying. I was completely burned out, and I was the last one to know," she says.
As Godwin learned, burnout can smolder for years before finally erupting into a blaze. Often the first sign is exhaustion -- physical, mental and emotional. "It's draining to deal with people and problems under incredible time pressures," says Maslach, who explains that as fatigue builds, passion and commitment dwindle.
"The hallmark of burnout is a shift to the negative. You begin to detach and dislike your job. You become cynical, critical, hostile. You blame other people. Rather than do your very best, you try to get by with the bare minimum," Maslach notes. Ultimately, the one-two punch of exhaustion and cynicism culminates in what she calls inefficacy, a sense of inadequacy that saps a person's strength and spirit.
Research in the new field of social neuroscience is providing fresh insight into this process. "Our brains are designed to reflect and catch the state of the person we're with, which works to our advantage in most situations by helping us understand each other better," says Daniel Goleman, PhD, a psychologist and the author of Social Intelligence. However, constant interaction with people who are anxious, angry, stressed or traumatized floods the brain with negative emotions and activates your stress centers.
"If you add a toxic boss on top of job stress, you're creating a perfect storm for burnout because there's no one to go to for emotional support," he notes. "You're like an empty well. You don't have anything left to give. As a protective mechanism, you shut down and end up pushing away the very person you're trying to help."
However, simply acknowledging burnout can mark a turning point. "Insight changes everything," says Godwin. "Once you see what's happening, you can't continue to approach your work in the same way." Within a few months of her epiphany, she switched to a part-time position doing psychotherapy with teenagers. In time, she created a business dedicated to counseling parents. "If you realize you need to make a change, you find a way to do it. The realization is much harder than the concrete steps you have to take afterward," Godwin adds.
Beating Burnout
So how do you move away from burnout and toward a feeling of enthusiasm again? Here are some recommendations:
Make time for yourself. "When you put helping others above everything else, you don't meet your own needs," says Pastor Aaron Varner, 29, of Akron, Ohio. "You're just giving, giving, giving, and you feel guilty if you stop." It took a week at a pastors' retreat for him to remember that even God rested on the seventh day. "I heard the Lord say, 'Aaron, it's okay. The sun will set. The stars will rise. You don't have to do it all.'" Now he reserves Mondays for himself and his family.
Develop a method to calm yourself. Some people, like Pastor Varner, choose prayer. Others meditate or breathe deeply. "Do whatever works for you," suggests Goleman. "Practice it every day outside the work situation, ideally in the morning, and then draw on it during pauses throughout your workday." Simply taking short breaks to close your eyes and clear your mind can re-energize your brain during a frenetic day.
Analyze what you love and hate about your work. What has changed -- the amount of work, the deadlines, the boss, the pay, the company's mission? Once you've identified problem areas, think of specific strategies to resolve them. For instance, you might build an alliance with colleagues and work together to address shared concerns.
Settle for less than perfect. "Work at 90 percent rather than 110 percent of maximum," advises Larina Kase, PsyD, author of Anxious 9 to 5. "Accept that the dishes may pile up in the sink. Delegate what you can." And don't be available 24/7: Rather than check e-mails and voice messages round the clock, respond at preset times, and know when to turn off the devices and focus on other aspects of your life.
Take good care of yourself. Eat healthy foods. Get enough sleep. Exercise every day. "If you think you're too busy, start with two five-minute walks a day," Kase suggests. "Once you see the benefits, you'll want to do more of the things that are really key to keeping you from getting burned out or more burned out."
Cultivate a support network. "Find a friend at work you can talk freely with, someone to turn to when things get hard," says Goleman. If you're caring for a family member at home, tap relatives and friends. "Human nature isn't designed for isolation," he notes. "We all need to re-create the support of the extended family through friendships."
Set limits. Take 24 hours before agreeing to a new demand on your time. Talk to your spouse or a friend about whether it's something you really want to do. If it isn't, don't do it.
Plan for the future. If you need to leave a toxic workplace but can't quit yet, spend 15 minutes every day exploring other options. Go online. Network. Get additional training. Buff your résumé. "Most people are within 18 months of being in a better, healthier work situation," says Godwin. The key is to start now. Taking small steps will help you feel more in control and set the stage for a fresh start.
